My Regularly Scheduled Diabetes

About 100 years ago, I wrote about how taking good care of diabetes and a baby feels like an impossible feat. Even impossibler than taking good care of diabetes alone.

Time has passed, though. I’m back at work and feeling altogether more like a capable human being. I’m optimistic.

I had a good — if not perfect — appointment with my CDE. My A1c is up a bit, but it’s still surprisingly decent, so I’m trying not to be too hard on myself. We tweaked some basal rates and insulin/carbohydrate ratios to even things out a bit. Also, I brought the Magpie along to the appointment to help deflect any bad vibes. It worked.

I took advantage of the fact that I’d met my deductible for the year and ordered a fresh transmitter for my CGM system, so I’m looking forward to more accurate and consistent readings.

And really, I never thought being at work could feel so liberating. Now I have time for the luxury of blood sugar checks — all day long. I can even check my blood sugar without having to balance my meter case on top of the baby that’s in my lap. I can look things up on my phone or the internet to see how many carbohydrates they have. I can put those carbohydrate calculations into my pump before I eat my food! And then I can actually eat it! After that, I can focus for extended periods of time about things besides nap schedules and diaper sizing and Words With Friends.

When I’m in the office, I can almost feel my health insurance around me like a protective blanket. Even though I was still on the books the entire time I was on maternity leave, I kept expecting to order an insulin refill and discover that my coverage had lapsed. Now I’m surrounded by (mostly) covered sensors and infusion sets, and seeing the FSA funds subtracted from my paycheck makes me feel safe and happy.

And then when I get home, there’s a pair of chubby legs to gnaw on and a little spherical head of silky blond hair to wash in the sink, and it feels less like a chore and more like the old comfortable routine to add up a few dozen grams of carbohydrates or change an infusion set.

For now — for just this tiny second — I feel like I really have everything I need, with the exception of a functioning pancreas, of course.

Meet the Magpie*

In what’s becoming her signature style, she showed up unexpectedly — almost 4 weeks before her expected due date.

But she’s arrived! Born at 11:08 AM on August 24. Six pounds and 5 ounces of sweet, amazing, healthy babyness.

Thanks to an aggressive regimen of painkillers, a lack of continuous sleep, and the overwhelming nature of the emotions I’m feeling toward this little lady, I don’t have many clear thoughts to offer about her presence in our lives right now. hernmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (<– The cat typed this. I’m leaving it.)

For now, suffice it to say that I’m making a habit of bursting into tears at the randomest of moments. Not because I’m sad, though. I’d say it’s because I’m sleep deprived, maybe just a little unprepared, tremendously relieved that I managed to pull off the diabetes-and-pregnancy mix, and totally confused about how anyone can function normally in the world with such a ridiculous amount of  love for another tiny person in their hearts.

It’s been insane, and I’m so happy she’s here.

*Of course, I did not actually name my child Magpie. But I don’t feel right creating an online identity for a 12-day-old. So, that’s her name here!