Your Friendly Neighborhood Diabetic Foot-Wound Center

The real estate gods and the chronic disease gods must be having a grand old time in whatever bar they’ve been drinking at these past few years.

I present to you Exhibit A, the building I walk past at least once a week:

Aw, the sign lost a letter. Must not have been taking care of itself.

That, as you can see, is the Diabe[t]ic Food-Wound Center, located two blocks from my home. Some might say I should consider myself lucky. If I find myself with a festering abscess on my heel, or if I sustain injuries from a over-zealous razor-wielding pedicurist, or if my crappy little dog gnaws off my toe in the middle of the night, I can just hobble around the corner!

To me, though, the Diabetic Food-Wound Center is the embodiment of all that I hate about diabetes. The place is ugly as hell — an eyesore, if you’ll forgive my pun. It looks like the kind of place one would go to purchase a diabetic foot wound, if such a thing were possible (“Ulcers! Half off! This weekend only!”) Every time I pass it, I hear the voices of a hundred members of the diabetes police, chanting horror stories about kidney failure and lost limbs. (It bothers me even more than the Rectal Surgery Center that’s on the next corner. That’s saying something.)

Up until a few weeks ago, the side-yard of the building was populated by a group of rusty, folding chairs that surrounded one of those smokers’ outposts. I always imagined all the Diabetic Foot-Wound Center employees sitting in the afternoon heat, complaining about their “noncompliant” patients, eating pork rinds and puffing on Marlboro Reds.

Even the name of the clinic make me itch: Diabetic Foot-Wound Center. Does that mean the center is diabetic? The foot-wound? Why is foot-wound hyphenated? And whose idea was it to add that disembodied foot to the sign? Isn’t that in poor taste?

The good news is, I’m moving in a couple of weeks, so I won’t see the Diabetic Foot-Wound Center quite as often. Plus, I’m getting a back yard and a front porch and a fireplace and an extra bathroom.

I’m getting the hell away from the ol’ DF-WC, and I’m taking my perfectly healthy feet with me.

11 comments on “Your Friendly Neighborhood Diabetic Foot-Wound Center

  1. Holly says:

    That foot looks like it has frostbite.

  2. Colleen says:

    Yuck! We have a “Diabetic shoe” place near us. I’ll have to send you a photo. You can start a collection!

  3. Joanne says:

    Oh man… I just about peed myself when I read the caption to the picture. Classic!

  4. Meagan says:

    LOL on the “crappy little dog” comment. You are hilarious!!!

    They don’t even take care of their grass…and they’re going to take care of a diabetic foot?!?!?! If I end up with a diabetic foot wound, someone best knock me the heck out before dropping me off…better yet, maybe I could just go to a hospital? 🙂

    Oooh, and CONGRATS on your new place!!!

  5. Kim says:

    Yay, new place!

  6. Rachel says:

    Snort! (Good luck on the move!)

  7. Heather says:

    Hahaha, when we moved to that neighborhood a couple years ago my boyfriend said something like “well, at least that’s close by”. I had the exact same repulsive response 🙂

  8. shannon says:

    i was already chuckling at all your freudian food-wounds, but then i got to the ‘itchy’ paragraph and i lost it. why IS it hyphenated?? and when you imagined the employees taking a smoke break, for some reason i pictured them all with british accents, like they’re in monty python. why? i dunno. thanks for the laffs though. and congrats on your impending move! 🙂

  9. FatCat Anna says:

    LOL! It’s wierd – either I live in a bubble world here in Montreal – but foot clinics for diabetics – is something I’ve never seen … BUT on a recent holiday along the eastern seaboard in the States – I saw these places that you talk of (except they looked much nicer then the one you have around your corner. Like you, I’m Ms. Happy Fee after 44 years of the D. BTW, your new place sounds simply marvellous – you are moving on up!!!

  10. Gillian says:

    How does a place like this even stay in business? It seems like a real niche market. If you go there with a foot wound (say you step on a nail), but it has nothing to do with diabetes, will they treat you?

  11. Karen G says:

    I hate anything labeled “diabetic” . . . . except, of course, people with diabetes!! Diabetic chocolate? Hmm, must have too much sugar in it, huh? Diabetic friendly recipes? Does this mean the recipes will be nice to me but mean to my fancy-working-pancreas husband?? Geesh.

    So glad you are getting away from the floating foot and missing “t”!!

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