On April 1, my father-in-law passed away. He was just shy of his 80th birthday, and the timing of his death wasn’t lost on those of us who knew him. Wally was a repository of corny jokes, and a day hasn’t passed that we haven’t honored his memory by throwing a Wally-ism out.
His was the first death I’ve ever really witnessed, and I’m still trying to process it. The past two weeks have been an 
exercise in Things That Are Big and Important: Family, Marriage, Friends, Love, Support, Pizza and Wine. I don’t have a concise way to explain it to myself, or to others, so for now, I won’t.
My husband and I each said readings at Wally’s funeral mass last Wednesday. I spent the evening before threatening to replace my reading — from the book of Wisdom — with what I’d call “a reading from the book of Wally.” Then, I said, I’d solemnly tell one of his infamous jokes, lower my head, and take my seat in the pew as if nothing was amiss.
I chickened out that day, but I can’t not share those jokes. So, in lieu of a long-winded exploration of our common mortality and the meaning of life, I offer the following gems in Wally’s memory:
“How many beans do you use to make the perfect soup? 239 — any more and it’s too farty.”
“Did you hear about the Polish lesbian? She liked men.”
“I once had a dog with no legs. His name was Cigar. Every morning I’d take him out for a drag.”
“I checked the obituaries today. Everyone’s still dying in alphabetical order.”
Great post and Wally sounds like a hoot. I am sorry for your loss but this is a great way to pay tribute.
I lol’d at the 239. Too funny.
Loved your post. I also lost my dad, Aug 2010, seems like yesterday, but he was only 66. He was also a T1 like me, and I also chickened out at the funeral. Many days after I went over what I would have said if I haven’t completely lost it.
Anyway, I feel ya, and it certainly isn’t easy. Lived his jokes though. Sounds like an awesome guy.
Heidi
no explanation necessary… Wally sounds like a great Father in law… I’m sorry for your loss. and yeah, 239… that’s Way funny…
Yup, 239 got us, too. Went right in to repeat it to my husband, who is still chuckling.
I think I would’ve liked Wally. Will say a prayer that he’s found the rest of the jokesters in heaven.
rotfl at the jokes – sorry for you and your husband’s loss, though.
I’m sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a great and funny father-in-law. I’ve been following your blog for awhile now and had such a great laugh out of the bean joke (I even text it to my husband!) ha!
Well done Jacquie!
Wonderful!
Brought back some of our favorite memories of Wally, as well as tears to our eyes.
We’ll miss him a lot, too.
I just read these aloud to Aaron, and we both got a great chuckle out of them.
So sorry for your loss, and thanks for sharing this.
Sorry to hear about your loss. Sounds like your father-in-law was a gem at family gatherings. I’m sure that he will be missed.
I’m so very sorry about the loss of your father in law. I hope you and your hubby are hanging in there. Since we’ve been married, my hubby and I lost both my father and his mother so I have experienced how difficult it can be. Kudos to you for making jokes in his honor … I am certain he would appreciate that. ((hugs))
Just the threat of a reading from the Book of Wally, made it easier..
And in memory of my Uncle Wally:
my memory: What do you call a cow with no legs…ground beef
my sister Nanette: Arty, a known hitman who only charges $1 per kill, kills three people at an A&P. The headline in the paper the next day reads “Arty Chokes 3 for a $1 at A&P”
I should have called you! Bob and Jim couldn’t think of any more. Ground beef is the best.