Six Things

It’s National World Universal D-Blog Day, and all the D-OC is participating by writing about six things we’d like the universe to know about living with diabetes.

I can’t imagine that any of these are original, but here they are, anyway:

1. Insulin smells weird. My 4-year-old nephew claims that it smells like “boont” (translation: burnt), but I’ve always thought it smells like a Band-Aid factory. Either way, it’s unmistakable — which is helpful when you’re on the lookout for tubing leaks or faulty reservoirs.

2. The breath mint in your purse ain’t gonna cut it, but thanks anyway. Every once in a while, if I tell someone my blood sugar is low, that person will offer me something like a Tic-Tac or a Ricola. And I appreciate it, I do. But for someone who’s in the throes of a low blood sugar, handing over a lint-covered cough drop is like feeding a sea monkey to a starving walrus. It won’t hurt, but it doesn’t quite do the trick, either. Also, you might get attacked.

3. Yes, I wear my insulin pump all the time. Exceptions include: while showering; in dressing rooms; while swimming; during select dog walks; when I forget it and drive to work without it. When you ask me if I wear it “ALL THE TIME” and give me a wink, it makes me think you’re a pervert.

4. All needles are not created equal. Compared to flu shot needles and IV needles and blood draw needles and many other stabby things, infusion set needles and insulin syringes are like fairy kisses. This is because insulin syringes are designed to reach subcutaneous tissue, which is the relatively shallow space between fat and muscle. Other needles are designed to stab into your muscle and veins and make you cry.

5. My insulin pump is not very smart. As much as I value my mechanical pancreas on a string, it’s basically useless without a constant flow of input, calculations and button-pushing from the diabetic who is wearing it: me. Insulin pumps cannot replace or duplicate the magical series of natural events that keeps people without diabetes healthy. Insulin pumps don’t do all the work — we do.

6. It’s DI-A-BEE-TEEES. Rhymes with “sneeze.” And “Belize.” And “the bee’s knees.” Not “Hiya, fetus.”

27 comments on “Six Things

  1. talesofmy30s says:

    so, really, do you wear it ALL THE TIME? 😉

    snickering over #6.

  2. Lisa says:

    I love you for writing this. SO FUNNY! (and informative, of course.)

    I agree about the bandaid factory. It’s like natural gas, it smells bad so you know there’s a leak. 🙂

  3. Tony Rose says:

    Six is a pet peeve of mine too. Number 3 is just funny and I can totally relate. Thanks for sharing!

  4. Kim says:

    I love this. It made me nod, and giggle, and want to give you a high five in person some day.

  5. Laurel says:

    Yes!!! Awesome post, made me snort out loud in an otherwise quiet office.

  6. Joanne says:

    Thanks for the laughs… your list was greatness!

  7. Frances says:

    I have read so many “6 Things” today, and I have to say yours are the best! Thanks for bringing humor to such a serious situation!

  8. Kimberly says:

    ROTFLMAO at #6. My MOM says this and I go ballistic every time!!!

  9. Lorraine says:

    🙂 Perfect list. We haven’t had a breath mint offered yet.

  10. This is about as good as it gets… OMG. If I lose my job for laughing excessively, I’ll blame you! But in the meantime, thanks for the good stuff!

    Oh, Number 3 – the challenges you bring us Adults with Diabetes. And I can’t stand winkers, the Wilford Brimley pronunciation folk.

  11. Scully says:

    I think this was the one I was waiting patiently to read. I always look forward to your posts! i can’t count how many times someone has offered me a little candy the size of a flea they found in their purse.

  12. shannon says:

    OMG HIYA FETUS, I am so stealing that one!! Also, EW #3, why are people so, EW. I am so NOT looking forward to my 11 year old daughter getting that one. ICK. Also, LOL sea monkey!

  13. Caroline says:

    “But for someone who’s in the throes of a low blood sugar, handing over a lint-covered cough drop is like feeding a sea monkey to a starving walrus.”

    OMG. I DIED laughing at this line….to the point where my coworkers were like, “Is somebody tickling you or something?” Bwahahahaha!

  14. Layne says:

    Two things:

    A) You are such a nicer person than me. I totally used D-blog day as a vent-fest! Eek!

    2) I love, love, LOOOOOOVE #6. I never could figure out how to imitate the weird way that some folks pronounce diabetes. But “Hiya, fetus” is PERFECT!! LOL!!

  15. George says:

    I am rofling at the Sea Monkey to a Walrus! LOL

  16. Jen says:

    Can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten the *wink*.

    THANK YOU for #6!!!!

  17. Kerri. says:

    LOL! This is one of my favorite posts from today, by far. 🙂

  18. This blog is why I read your blog!!! You are GOOOOD! Love all of them! LOLOLOLO (still on the floor!)

  19. Kassie says:

    I’ve been catching up on reading these posts all morning, and can genuinely report that yours is the most original! And on top of that, I had someone offer me tic tacs for a low just the other day 😉

  20. Jen says:

    Excellent list! Thanks for cracking me up this morning!! I accidentally spilled a little insulin as I was removing the syringe from the vial last week. My husband came in the room and asked “why does it smell like bandaids in here?”. He never knew insulin smelled like bandaids before!

  21. Marla says:

    You are 100% right on the band-aid smell. Hiya, fetus! You’re too funny.

  22. Sysy Morales says:

    OMG You’re hysterical! I was just remembering how once when I was low someone said, “here! have some sugar free gum!” lol I almost dropped dead, figuratively speaking.

  23. Becca says:

    The last one made me laugh out loud.

  24. I think this might be my favorite list.

    Shhh, don’t tell anyone.

  25. L-O-V-E the walrus and sea monkey analogy. Too funny.

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